weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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