I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
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im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire