i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
