You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over