Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
