hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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