we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
