This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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