I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His nipple licking is glorious
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