the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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