Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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