Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
