there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
