i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
There's always time for handjobs
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
