I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
