And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
