So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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