He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
