shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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