She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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