Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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