Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
