Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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