haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
