so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
