They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
