benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up under a house in Key West
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize