He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
