Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
