I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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