Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
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It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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