I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize