She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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