His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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