I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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