Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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