If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
