I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
