She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
