She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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