Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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