I hate your face
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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