She is in my trunk
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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