It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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