just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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