I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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