took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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