sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We don't watch enough power rangers
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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