just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
3pm strippers are depressing
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
