i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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