so that wasnt chicken after all
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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