how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You don't make any sense
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