My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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