im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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