3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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