Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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