Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
