apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
