Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
