i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
