Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize