she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
operation harelip BJ is a go
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
