Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
