Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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