He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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